To be admired by you, I would have to kill myself
Bury my flesh in the soil and hope flowers bloom
Hope something can be salvaged from the mess I am
To be loved by you, I would have to take a knife
Slit my own throat so that I would not utter a word
Take the needle and thread and sew my own mouth
You love your women the way you love your steak
Slabs, skinned, slaughtered and served on a plate
Breaks my bones, attach them to strings so you can play puppeteer.
Shrink myself, snap my spine in half
So I do not threaten you
A shell of the woman I once was.
What else shall I do for you, my love?
I conjure your spirit tonight
The coffin rattles, you arise.
Tonight, the ailments are gone
The tubes no longer caress your body
Filled with youth, you run towards me
I revel in your embrace
Tears cascade down my cheeks
Why do you cry, I am here.
You dry the tears from my face
My hand in yours, we run
Free from our realities
Nothing matters in this moment
Let us rewind time, my love.
Still young, life has not separated us just yet
That scorching September sun
The days we spent by the river
Those Bulawayo skies
Hues of purple, pale tints of orange
As the sun began its journey back home
Nights we laid in darkness,
My head on your chest, your steady heart beat soothes me
My hands travel across the velvety land that is your body
From the nape of your neck
To the tanned contours of your back
Remember how we made love?
How are bodies molded into each other
Nothing less of a glorious bliss
It is all in the past now
Memories bestowed in our minds
Life cannot take this away from us
Time is immortalized
When September arrives again,
Will you think of me?
Zoleka Fuyana (she/her) is a 20-year-old feminist, film-maker and writer from Bulawayo, currently based in Cape Town, South Africa. Through her writing she explores of death, suicide and mental illness. She also writes articles and essays on societal issues that Zimbabwean communities such abuse, tribalism, youth engagement and much more. She won the Intwasa Covid Lockdown Short Story competition in 2021. She is also a member of the Amplifying Girls Voices Through Digital program which strives to raise issues that girls and young women go through in Bulawayo through digital content.